Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone

Today started with a little fear of the unknown and a step out onto uncertain ground.

The more I take steps outside of my comfort zone, the more I realize just how sheltered I am within it.

A couple of weeks ago, a sister I’d met on a few occasions asked me if she could come hang out for a pool date. She’d just moved to my area and wanted to build upon our friendship and hang out. A hesitant me, who’s always in front of the computer, writing, working out, reading or some other individual activity, reminded myself that one of my goals was to develop my own social circle and that this was an opportunity to do just that.

We had our pool date and upon enjoying her company, we also met three other people, all of which seemed to have similar interests as myself. The few discussed future plans and how they’d love for us to join. Again, a hesitant me, decided that this was an opportunity where exchanging contact information was appropriate.

A few days later one of the brothers I met during the pool date recommended lunch.

Again, a hesitant Nicole said yes to a late lunch, right down the street and allowed myself to enjoy some good food and company. We shared similar interests and began discussing my desire to improve my bike riding skills. We laughed at pictures of the silly bike I paid way too much for but was currently riding. He offered to purchase a bike outright for me and I could pay him back in installments.

This was where hesitant Nicole flew out the door and shielded and careful Nicole woke up and stood toe to toe with what seemed to be a threat.

Though this gentleman had done nothing out the way - no slick or inappropriate comments, no eyes darting in the wrong direction, no indication that he wanted anything in return; there was still a guarded part of me that (for a lack of better words) just said, NO.

Lately, I’ve been very adamant about protecting myself. Specifically, my peace and my energy. Because I was so broken down by relationships I thought I could trust…. Internally, I decided that I would not invite any relationship outside of myself that could potentially bring me pain.

This is why even the idea of a pool date with a girlfriend or a light lunch with a new male friend feel like huge steps for me. Internally, I have realized that I’ve still deemed even these small, innocent and necessary bits of socialism as threatening.

It doesn’t come without reason.

For one, I’m still mending from a traumatic experience within my own life. Not only that, the trauma experienced within my abuse also triggered a need to resolve the pain from my childhood that I had brushed under the rug for so many years.

I admit, this guarded place within my life is comforting. I’ve been able to entertain and love myself and more importantly, I’ve been able to protect myself.

But what’s the cliche saying - nothing grows in comfort zones.

I realized that what I thought was protecting me could lead to other challenges.

• The challenge of getting too comfortable in isolation.

• The challenge of getting too comfortable with not being able to trust others.

• The challenge of getting too comfortable with not enjoying myself in the company of others.

While this seems like something so small and trivial, it’s huge.

Many of us are guarded (at the expense of ourselves and our loved ones) from any sort of pain or threat of discomfort.

But as I’ve stated before, life is all about risks.

So today, I took a risk.

• I let that brother buy me a bike and I arranged a payment plan to return the gesture.

• I met for a ride through the city that I wasn’t sure I was properly trained for.

• I put all of my complexes and needs for control aside and allowed myself to be open to a new adventure.

We met at Tanger Outlets at the National Mall. A hesitant me got on my new bike and started down the trail lurking (yes, lurking, lol) faintly behind my more experienced bike riding friends.

I expressed that I was scared and that maybe I wouldn’t be able to keep up but was reassured that I would not be left too far behind and to just, “enjoy the ride”.

We shot down the bridge and through the National Harbor and I saw the most beautiful atmosphere that I've seen in Maryland thus far. From dodging pedestrians, to looking out for stop lights and traffic, to viewing the beautiful DC Waterfront; I had the most magnificent and relaxing experience that I’ve had in a very long time.

We rode through the harbor, into Alexandria and took a scenic route through Old Town and made our way all the way to the Pentagon Mall in Arlington and then back to our destination.

Before I knew it we were 15 miles into the ride and only about a half a mile away from our final destination. As I tried my absolute best to make it up the last final hill to Tanger Outlets, the group saw my efforts and stopped for a rest.

I assured the group that if they would just keep going, I’d push my way up the hill and meet them at the top. One of the riders laughed and in so many words, said ‘sis, you don’t have to show us your strength. This is a hill people train for! Sit down, relax and enjoy the moment. We will make our way up the hill when you’re ready.’

I did just that...

Today was a test of my femininity. My ability to let go. My energy, my competitiveness, my need for control did not want to allow me to be vulnerable. But the comforting words provided to me on that hill made perfect sense. Why should I put myself through an uncomfortable and unnecessary stress that could have potentially ruined the whole moment? Why did I HAVE to get up that hill today, of all days, on my first try at such an intense riding session? What did I have to prove?

As I sat, catching my breath and taking in those words, I realized…..absolutely nothing.

A lot of our barriers and stress are more mental than they ever are physical. Sometimes it’s important to just let go and let life. When you plant seeds of positive intent, it’s okay to be careful, but also understand that the universe is going to provide you with the fruits of that effort right back.

For every reservation I had, I came up with an approach to limit risks and then stood out on faith. I was mindful but still trusting in the greater good. I’m thankful for the experiences I had this week because of that approach.

Today, I enjoyed a new bike riding experience. I enjoyed some good company, and I WALKED up that *** awful hill…….

One day, I’ll ride all the way up to the top with a passion!

But for now, I’m happy taking it one day at a time.

With love,

Nicole Brittney, Author of Uncovering Your Power