He Left Me STRANDED – The Manipulative Tactics Abusers Use to Keep Control

They Hurt You, Then Save You — And That’s How They Keep You

On a dark, cold, and rainy night, I was pushed out of the car and left on the side of the road, miles away from home.

This wasn’t an isolated event.

I had to learn my lesson, and that meant suffering.

That night, my suffering would be in waiting, silence, and discomfort.

My phone was dying, and I kept calling, trying to get an answer.

The idea of calling a friend or family member for help crossed my mind, but that would come with questions and more retaliation.

All I really wanted was to get home.

No questions, no explanations, no further drama.

Just over an hour passed. I walked a couple of miles towards the highway but never turned onto another street or strayed too far because I knew the same person that left me stranded would be back to save me in a matter of time...

The Illusion of the “Rescuer”

My story isn’t unbelievable to most survivors.

The cycles of control, cruelty, and manipulation might differ in substance but the structure of them is usually the same.

You’re put in a chaotic situation. Hurt. You wonder how you will ever get out of what’s going on and just when you think there is no hope, you’re saved by the same person who caused the situation to begin with.

Abusers often create chaos just to position themselves as the one who can end it.

You've been rescued, and for a moment, you appreciate their gesture of love in saving you.

They chose to come back; they chose ot make you feel better - when they could have just walked away...

Until the next time comes around and you realize this is all a part of a twisted game played at your expense.

The name of the game?

Control.

Being stranded—physically or emotionally—puts you in survival mode. You’re vulnerable, desperate, and scared. And when the person who left you in that position suddenly shows up as your only lifeline, you cling. You forgive. You stay.

This is how manipulation works.

And as crazy as it sounds, cycles like this are how they keep you.

Tactic #2: Silent Treatment & Emotional Withholding

The silent treatment is another highly used tactic of control.

If you’ve ever had an argument and wanted to talk through it but instead were met with silence, you’re not alone.

The silence could last for days.

Even after something good has happened and you want to celebrate with your partner, you can’t get through to them.

Hours, days, sometimes weeks, with little to no words of affirmation, comfort, or engagement.

It makes you spiral. You begin to wonder what you could have done differently and blame yourself. What can I do to make them talk to me again?

This tactic is designed to make you chase them—to internalize the blame and feel responsible for fixing the relationship.

Empowerment Shift:

Instead of chasing clarity from someone withholding love as punishment, start giving that clarity to yourself. Reconnect with your intuition. Start journaling what actually happened—not the story you’re creating in your mind. Write it like a truth file. You don’t need their voice to validate your experience. You already lived it.

Validate yourself and find peace in that.

This is a time to go within or to the loved ones in your life for comfort. Try not to engage and give in to the madness. It’s better to show that this type of control does not affect you. You might start just pretending, but with time, you will find the manipulation is not as powerful as you once thought.

You are the master of your experience.

Tactic #3: Over-Apologizing and “Love Bombing” After Abuse

This tactic is oftentimes coupled with others and is something that shows its face a lot in cycles of abuse.

They hurt you—then show up with gifts, words of affirmation, or even tears. They say all the right things, maybe even go to therapy… for a week, maybe two.

You begin to second-guess your pain. You feel hope again. You see them trying and for YOU.

It feels good…You feel like maybe, just maybe, they’re finally changing.

But the consistency doesn’t last.

Love bombing isn’t love. It’s bait.

A way to reel you back in just enough to start the cycle all over again.

If you’ve witnessed it once and stuck around for the second time, that’s enough to know it can be done a third time, maybe more, and they’ll test you to see just how long you’ll stay.

Empowerment Shift:

Love shouldn’t confuse you. It shouldn’t be grand gestures after deep pain.

Real love is consistent, kind, and safe.

The next time you feel tempted to believe that sudden affection after multiple instances of disrespect is real, pause and reflect. Has the behavior that’s causing your discomforts changed?

Answering that question will help you understand what’s true.

Have hope for the beauties of life, but meet each situation you’re in with an objective reality.

Learning to live your life from a state of observation can help you to have more control over the situations you allow and the power to walk away from those that don’t elevate you.

You deserve more than just moments of love and upliftment. You deserve stability.

Finding Your Worth in the Middle of It All

If you’re still in it—feeling confused, ashamed, or afraid—know this: You are not powerless. You are not dramatic. And you are not broken.

You are in the middle of a system designed to make you question your worth. But even inside the pain, your light still shines. It might be dim - but you can magnify it.

Start small. Set boundaries in your mind. Speak affirmations out loud. Reach out to someone you trust. Keep building the belief that you deserve better, even if you’re not ready to take action on those thoughts. The more you feed yourself encouragement, the more it will show up as your reality.

And if you have gotten out but still find yourself controlled by the memories, don’t be discouraged. Trauma doesn’t always end when the relationship does. There is some work you’ll have to do to overcome this stage, but it is possible.

Mind Shifts for When the Memories Hit Hard

"It wasn’t my fault." – Say it until it sticks. Because it’s true.
"I survived something that tried to destroy me." – That means your power is real.
"This memory is not my present." – It’s a chapter, not your whole story.
"Healing takes time, but I get stronger every day." – Because you do.
"I deserve peace without explanation." – You owe no one a reason for choosing yourself.

You don’t have to depend on the person who breaks you.

You might have given them your power in the past, but at any time, you can take it all back.

Remember who you are.

Stand tall in who you are and have hope. Time will change the tide if you just believe.

You’re coming home to yourself...

And that’s where your real healing will begin.

I am an author and trauma-recovery expert dedicated to helping survivors of intimate abuse reach new heights through healing, love, and career & financial guidance. Not only can you heal after a toxic relationship, but you can also thrive and live a happy and successful life.

This is your birthright.

If you are struggling to find your power and could benefit from a helping hand, check out my Self-Mastery Academy or contact me. I would love to help empower your journey.