Royalty

Redefining What You Will Accept

A big part of my healing plan has involved placing an effort on redefining my femininity and what I will accept from a man.

It’s tough realizing that not everything is the “other parties” fault.

We must take some responsibility over the state of our own lives. With that responsibility comes more power and possibly a more intentional life and relationship approach.

I’d like to take a deeper look into how we as women can position ourselves as more feminine beings whose presence alone demands respect.

In the past, I’ve done a lot of begging.

Begging for fair treatment. Begging to be heard. Begging to be desired. Begging for consistency. Begging to be called beautiful. Begging to not be cheated on. Begging to be spoken to with respect. Etc. etc. etc…..

You can roll your eyes and act like this has never been you, but the truth of the matter is, with so many broken relationships and men, a ton of women, beg for relationships and treatment that should be given for free in the name of femininity.

I am very saddened at the public displays of humiliation towards women and our acceptance of this occurrence.

We see YouTube, Instagram, WorldStar and other mainstream media flashing images of sisters being disrespected in the worst ways.

Displays of women being talked down to, cussed out, spit on -PUBLICLY, while onlookers watch, take videos, or walk by silently.

I have heard some of the worst stories of treatment my fellow women have endured. From cheating, to lying, to being given diseases while in committed relationships, to baby father drama, to finding out a brother they were in love with had a whole ‘nother family, the list goes on....

What is so very unfortunate is that many sisters have not ever experienced a good man.

Or, have experienced one or two good men and then a handful or more of relationships that have ended in regret.

This can be exhausting.

There are women who have lived their whole lives not knowing what protection feels like.

What being embraced feels like.

What being cared for in a trusting and consistent relationship feels like.

Women that are coming for the next sister out of insecurity built up around having endured so much pain and disappointment.

I say we change the narrative.

Why beg? Begging is beneath us.

Nine times out of ten if a specific treatment doesn’t come naturally, it’s being faked or forced anyway. If that’s the foundation of the treatment, how consistent do you think it will be later on down the line?

Raising the bar on what we will accept forces men to either get with the program or get lost.

You cannot change a man. You can however redefine and transform yourself and then better position yourself to receive the treatment you desire.

I believe this process starts with getting comfortable with you.

So many of us have been so eager to check the boxes off our relationship checklist:

• get married by thirty - check.

• have the perfect date to our friends wedding - check, check.

• the most handsome man to show off to our family - check, check, check.

We’ve settled for superficial over depth.

We’ve settled for someone over the RIGHT ONE.

Before you sit and decide to endure the frustration a man has brought to the table, really ask yourself, why?

If it’s because you are truly fulfilled by the relationship in other ways, by all means, endure.

The truth of the matter is relationships are full of sacrifice and no man (or woman) is perfect. We do have to have a little bend in us.

But, if you are enduring certain situations for the sake of saying you have someone, and for the sake of not being lonely….. you can’t convince me that you are fulfilled.

We’ve got to get comfortable with being alone. With waiting for the right choice and not just jumping for any old choice that’s presented to us.

This takes patience and a comfortability with yourself.

In taking this step. You lay a foundation and opportunity for self love.

You cannot endure pain after pain after pain and jump from relationship to relationship to relationship and still have the energy to invest in yourself.

This leads to emotional exhaustion and is exactly how residual toxicity is built.

Enough of this and you’ll be staring in the mirror at a woman who has developed the same tendencies as her abusers. Or, a woman who has learned to protect herself with so many walls and barriers that no healthy man can even get through.

Get comfortable with you. Allow yourself an opportunity to reset.

Especially after enduring emotional pain.

During this time, you have an opportunity to define who you’d like to be as a woman and to consider what growth may be helpful at different stages of your life.

Have you reached your full potential?

Have you put the same effort into yourself that you are hopeful a man will invest in you as well?

Defining your femininity varies by woman. Each woman’s definition of herself should be an organic and comfortable representation of who she’d like to be. It shouldn’t be based on how others have defined you, but instead, how you would like to define yourself.

Getting to the root of this understanding makes you powerful beyond measure.

No longer are you just living each day by a whim and accepting whatever comes your way. Instead, you are defining yourself and the path you’d like to pursue.

I believe that femininity is a sign of grace.

My definition of femininity is a woman who brings light and joy to others.

A woman who is compelling and can make others think more deeply and purposefully.

My definition of femininity involves mystery, royalty, self care and compassion.

My definition of femininity involves strength.

Not the strength to endure pain, but the strength to transform life and every occurrence into something purposeful, meaningful and valuable - meant just for me.

My definition of femininity brings me peace, hope, and turns every disappointment into reward.

This peace and comfort that I’ve designed within my life now empowers me and changes my perspective. Now I have fewer disappointments, less misplaced energy, less expectation from others and more expectation from myself.

Above all else my definition of femininity has brought about, less (if not any) settling.

I will have what is for me and I will entertain and love-on myself until that is presented. I have faith in the universe and God and I have a deeper understanding and respect for myself that no one can shatter.

People always ask, why I’m not dating. I’ve seen some disappointment and decided that until a man can show me that he is everything that I need and more, I am comfortable with myself.

Approaching relationships in this manner allows you to position yourself as a woman who is sought after. Not a woman who is seeking a man.

With a much higher ratio of women to men, there are women all over the globe shooting their shot at men who have options.

Setting yourself apart takes care and a unique approach.

A valuable woman doesn’t have to beg a man for a thing. And I stand behind that with everything in me. Men will play the part of everything you want to see and more until they get what they want.

Don’t make yourself an easy catch. Trust me, I’ve learned this from experience.

Make them prove their character with action and consistency. Make them prove that they will protect, provide for and uplift you in a manner that will allow you to live in your feminine grace.

Once you begin to develop your family you will not want to worry about the basic things you need from a man to be the best woman, wife and mother that you can be.

You will want to be assured that that is already the minimum of what you will receive.

So what does femininity mean to you?

I’ve given you my definition, but your definition must be true to you.

How have you defined yourself up until this point?

Have you had a strategic approach? Or have you just stumbled upon your current stage of life?

There is no right answer. We’re just considering a new approach.

I realized that so much of what I accepted within my life was not deliberate but just circumstantial. Now, I’ve chosen to be more deliberate, and if that’s something you find valuable, you have every opportunity to do the same.

After you consider what you’re looking for within yourself, consider your values in a relationship and man.

Is your current relationship meeting a reflection of your values? Or was it something you just stumbled upon through circumstance?

Again, there is no right or wrong answer. But I believe that reflecting on these sorts of questions will bring value and a more intentional approach to your life and future.

Life is all about understanding the cards you’ve been dealt and considering the next best move to win the game.

Consider this advice your Ace and your Spade.

Hold them in your back pocket and use them at the most ideal times to bring favor into your life.

You don’t have to run your way into anything.

Once you take the time to understand your value and the diamond that you are, you won’t sell yourself for just a few pennies. You’ll know your worth and settle for nothing short of that.

After all, you will have shown yourself worth for so long, anything less won’t even feel natural.

Bloom my sister.

Bloom beautifully.

Bloom with grace.

Bloom with understanding.

And above all, bloom with intention.

After all, you are a reflection of royalty.

Accept nothing less.

With love,

Nicole Brittney, Author of Uncovering Your Power