I Think I’ve Been Abused But I’m Not Sure

Nicole Brittney
Feb 21
6 min read

Understanding Abuse and Dominant Control

More often than not, when we think about abuse, we think about the physical side of it.

Some people think that just because they haven’t been hit or shoved or have bruises - their experience isn't really abuse. While emotional abuse and manipulation are rampant in relationships today many are slow to associate it with domestic violence and/or abuse.

I think there are many reasons this happens... but we can dive into that another day.

Before we go deep into our growth as healing providers, I want to make it very clear what we at Uncovering Your Power understand abuse to be. From the blatant and bold to the hidden and sneaky…

The foundation of abuse is about control. Having power over another person whether blatant or indirect. What many don’t consider is that this power dynamic is detrimental to both the “abuser” and the “abused”. It often leads to emotional and psychological damage for both and long-term issues that impact not only the couple but everyone else they interact with on an emotional level.

Abuse is a cancer. It spreads rapidly and forcefully. And it is something we must get comfortable discussing.

Today we dive into identifying the different types of abuse. And to be nice, for those that don’t want to associate with the word abuse, we can instead consider these possible aspects of a “toxic relationship”...

So What Does Abuse Look Like?

1. Physical

We’ll start with the most apparent and highly associated factor of abuse - intentionally harming another person’s body. Physical abuse is usually the most visible form of abuse that even an untrained eye can recognize (under the right circumstances).

It can include:

Hitting, slapping, punching, kicking
Pushing, shoving
Choking, strangling
Using weapons or turning objects into weapons to cause harm
Forcing substance abuse or denying a person access to medical care

Common Trends: Physical abuse often follows a cycle - tension, an explosive incident(s), followed by reconciliation (AKA the “honeymoon phase”). This makes it hard for victims to make sense of the situation, leaving them confused.

On one end, the victim is on the receiving end of pain, but very shortly thereafter, they receive love and affection from the same source.

Sometimes the outbursts are minor and might warrant "looking the other way". But every time a victim looks the other way, it enables the abuser. The abuser has tested your boundaries and now understands what you will allow. This might encourage a more intense outburst at another time.

This is why we often see instances of physical violence go through cycles of minor instances to more dominant escalations. Many victims would leave a situation if it was always bad.

However, only seeing issues every once in a while can mask what’s really going on.

2. Emotional & Psychological

I’d associate this with what most of us have recently termed - narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse goes much further than just what’s mentioned here. But to keep things relative, I want to mention it here as dealing with a narcissist is seen as undesirable and something many acknowledge without associating it with abuse.

Emotional and psychological abuse can be very apparent or cleverly hidden. This type of abuse is designed to break down a person’s self-worth and mental stability.

It can include:

Name-calling, belittling, constant criticism
Gaslighting (manipulating a person to doubt their own reality)
Threats, intimidation
Humiliation, public embarrassment
Isolation from family and friends

Common Trends: Emotional abuse often starts with light instances that grow in substance over time.

Victims might find themselves very confused and question whether they are overreacting or imagining the abuse.

This furthers the long-term damage to the victim's confidence and mental health. They might receive so much love in one moment, just for the next to be filled with confusing mental attacks. This cycle keeps the victim attached.

We’ll talk more about trauma bonds in a future article.

3. Financial

Financial control is a powerful way to keep someone trapped in a relationship.

This might include:

Controlling or restricting access to money
Preventing a partner from working or sabotaging their job
Racking up debt in the victim’s name
Withholding financial information

Common Trends: Financial abuse is often slid under the rug because it doesn’t involve physical harm.

However, we must consider our earlier mention of power dynamics.

Situations like this leave one person dependent on the other person for survival. It might look light, but this is a very dangerous situation to be in.

4. Sexual

Sexual abuse is any uninvited sexual contact or coercion.

This could include:

Rape or attempted rape
Forcing a partner into sexual acts
Undesired touching or sexual advances
Coercion through guilt or threats
Withholding sex as punishment

Common Trends: Sexual abuse isn’t always done with outright force. Coercion is a form of persuasion that might make a person feel like they chose an act. Sometimes, this can make it hard to recognize sexual abuse, especially within a romantic relationship.

Societal norms often downplay non-consensual actions that don’t take place using blatant force.

I again make mention of the ways that instances like this erode a person's mental health and understanding.

Molehills really do become mountains over time.

5. Verbal

Oh - it’s “just words”. If words could kill…

Verbal abuse is often dismissed but can be just as damaging, if not more, than other types of abuse.

It can include:

Yelling, screaming
Making mean jokes at another's expense
Degrading a person with mocking or imitation
Persistent lying, manipulation

Common Trends: Verbal abuse tends to happen more in private, making it hard for outsiders to detect. It directly attacks a person's self-esteem and creates fear and anxiety.

6. Digital

This is another that I think gets such a green flag! Think of how celebrities are attacked on social networking without the bat of an eye. This, my dear, is toxic! Online abuse has become as common as brushing your teeth.

It can include:

Cyberstalking, excessive monitoring
Controlling social media accounts
Sending uninvited explicit messages (yuck!)
Hiding behind a screen to harass, threaten, or manipulate (with real or fake accounts)

Common Trends: There are so many ways that technology can be used to cause harm. This is force without a physical presence and can come in many forms. Many people are victims of online abuse who don’t consider themselves such because it is such a relative part of life these days.

How can you establish boundaries in situations like these?

7. Abuse That Might Not Look Like Abuse

Some types of abuse are not as obvious as hitting or yelling but still have major impacts.

These might include:

Neglect: Withholding emotional support, affection, or basic needs.
Silent treatment: Ignoring a partner to punish or control them.
Guilt-tripping: Manipulating through excessive guilt or emotional blackmail.
Stonewalling: Refusing to communicate or address important issues.

Common Trends: Subtle forms of abuse are harder to recognize because they don’t always involve direct aggression.

However, they can lead a person to feel invisible, unworthy, and emotionally unstable over time.

Thankfully, more of society is educating themselves on these trends and creating the necessary boundaries.

Please comment with any types of hidden abuse that I missed as I’m sure this list is much longer.

When It’s Not Abuse, But Still Not Right for You

Not every unhealthy relationship is abusive, but that doesn’t mean you should stay in it. If you’re in a relationship and someone's actions consistently make you feel anxious, drained, or bad about yourself, it’s worth evaluating whether that relationship is right for you.

🚩 Signs a Relationship May Not Be Right for You:

You constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
You feel worse about yourself after spending time with them.
You’re constantly questioning your own feelings or reality.
You feel controlled, even in small ways.
You feel like you give much more than you receive.

Not every one of these feelings is always the fault of another - sometimes we have healing that needs to take place internally that leads us to certain perceptions. However, no matter the source, these feelings are not good for your mental health and it’s a good sign that you may want to seek help or remove yourself from the situation.

Trust your instincts. They are your guiding light. If something doesn’t feel right, more often than not, it’s not right for you.

Final Thoughts

Thank you for bearing with me as I know this was a longer read! But we had to be thorough.

As you see, abuse can take many forms. Some are right in your face! While others are harder to recognize. Whether it's physical harm, emotional manipulation, financial control, or subtle passive-aggressive behaviors, everything mentioned in this article can take a serious toll on a person’s well-being.

If you’re in a situation where you feel unsafe or controlled, reach out for help—whether through trusted friends, support groups, or professional resources.

Remember, you deserve to feel safe, valued, and respected in all of your relationships.

If you’ve dealt with an abusive relationship and want a resource to help you heal - download our free workbook on reclaiming your confidence.

Professional Resources for Support

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) | www.thehotline.org
RAINN (Sexual Abuse Support): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) | www.rainn.org
Local Women’s Shelters & Advocacy Groups (Check with your local community services)