Your Words Cut Me Like a Dagger: The Pain of Verbal Abuse

The Power of Words 

Words possess immense power—they can uplift and inspire, or they can wound and devastate. When we use our words as weapons, they can inflict deep emotional wounds. These wounds can cut us deeper than any physical injury our bodies can sustain because they go deep and have long-term effects. 

Abuse isn’t just hitting someone, sometimes it's emotional mistreatment, and verbal abuse is one of the many ways a person can emotionally abuse another person. This is done when words are used to demean, intimidate, or control. Verbal abuse is detrimental to the mental psyche and causes a deeply embedded state of harm. 

Understanding its effects and how to address them are important subjects in the discussion of healing and abuse. 

The Prevalence of Verbal Abuse in Relationships

Verbal abuse is increasingly common in ALL types of relationships. Research suggests that nearly half of all women (48.4%) and men (48.8%) in the United States have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime. (DVC CPA)

Verbal abuse tends to exist alongside other abusive behaviors creating an overwhelming environment of fear, control, and belittlement. 

Verbal Abuse Weakens a Person’s Mental Health 

When I discuss a deeply embedded state of harm that occurs when you are consistently exposed to verbal aggression, I’m speaking of the state of trauma it places on your mind.

This state of trauma sticks with you and lasts much longer than the immediate pain of the harsh words. It systematically undermines the victim's self-esteem, leading to long-term psychological effects such as anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). (Verywell Mind)

The pain of verbal abuse

Victims may experience shame, guilt, confusion, and feelings of powerlessness, resulting in withdrawal and isolation. (WomensLaw)

Within that particular relationship, the abuse erodes the ability to trust and be intimate with your partner. Many abusers think that they are creating a state of dependency within their partners but they are actually placing a wall of mistrust between the two of them.

Fear and resentment never foster love. Instead, they reinforce that a person cannot truly be safe or themselves within the dynamics of that relationship. A wounded person might latch on to this because this is all that they know, but as they choose a path of healing, they will no longer want to associate with this state of mistrust in a relationship. 

A person cannot be their true selves, communicate openly, or even love themselves or their partner when they are constantly enduring this belittlement.

Over time, this toxic dynamic will lead to the dissolution of the relationship and leave lasting emotional damage on both parties.

Steps to Take if You're Experiencing Verbal Abuse

If you are a victim of verbal abuse there are things that you can do to protect yourself. 

• Recognize the Abuse: Understand that verbal abuse is not a normal part of any relationship. Being honest with yourself about the problem is the first step toward addressing it.

• Set Boundaries: You must communicate to your abuser that their behavior is unacceptable. Sternly communicate your boundaries and how you expect to be treated. If you cannot communicate this safely, seek support. 

• Seek Support: Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals who can provide you with emotional support and guidance. Keep an open mind and be ready to act if you are in danger. 

• Develop an Exit Plan: If the abuse persists, you must be willing to walk away. Create a plan that will allow you to leave the relationship safely. If you have to get assistance from legal authorities or local services, that is alright. The sooner that you can distance yourself from the abuse, the closer you will be to a healthier life. 

Addressing Your Own Abusive Behavior

I write, not only for the victims and survivors of abuse but also for the abusers.

Everyone deserves guidance and when our lives have been riddled with abuse, we can sometimes be both the victims and abusers in our relationships. 

Admitting your own weaknesses and vulnerabilities requires courage and self-awareness.

With these tools, you can do anything…

If you find that you consistently use harmful language toward others, consider the following steps to change this pattern:

• Self-Reflection: When are you verbally abusive? Is it triggered by something? Are there unresolved issues within that might be leading you to lash out in this way? Do you have habits that you need to unlearn? 

• Seek Professional Help: Therapists, counselors, and even professional coaching programs can help you understand the root causes of your behavior. Help and support make it easier to identify problems and develop healthier communication strategies.

• Practice Mindfulness: Before speaking, consider the impact of your words; especially if you have difficulty using them constructively. Mindfulness techniques can help you become more aware of your emotional triggers and responses.

• Apologize and Make Amends: Offer sincere apologies to those you've hurt. Demonstrate a commitment to change through consistent, respectful behavior.

Break the Cycles of Abuse

When we create boundaries to stop verbal abuse or correct our own behavior to stop inflicting verbal abuse, we uplift the vibrations of humanity. We become a part of the solution instead of continuing to spread the problem. The more we stand up for ourselves and demand healthier relationships, the more healthy relationships there will be in society at large. 

But don’t do it for others, do it for you. Give yourself the life that you deserve and the proper environment for healing. Only when you heal, will you be able to step into all that this life is meant to offer you. You cannot heal if you are consistently subjected to abuse. 

If you need help, contact us and we will point you in the right direction.

You can also engage with these services: 

Resources for Support

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) | thehotline.org

• Loveisrespect: 1-866-331-9474 | loveisrespect.org

• Psychology Today Therapist Finder: psychologytoday.com

Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.