5 Myths About Abuse That Keep Survivors in the Shadows

The Lies That Keep Abuse Victims Silent

Abuse continues to be one of the most misunderstood issues in society today.

There are a lot of stereotypes, cultural beliefs, and mainstream sources that share bad information. This further complicates the experiences of survivors making many survivors want to keep quiet about their experiences for the fear of being outcast or judged. 

Because of this, most abuse goes unchecked and continues to spread. 

Many people have a limited view of what abuse looks like—who it happens to, how it happens, and how easy it is to escape. 

Today we'll debunk the five biggest myths about abuse to help educate our community and begin a discussion about what’s really going on. 

Myth #1: Abuse Is ALWAYS Physical

Most people think that unless you have bruises, cuts, or scratches, you weren’t really abused. There is this unspoken code that emotional abuse isn’t really abuse and can’t compare to what men and women who have been physically assaulted have gone through. 

Sadly, this leaves a lot of survivors who are experiencing ongoing emotional abuse silent. 

Reality: Abuse comes in MANY forms—emotional, verbal, financial, and psychological. All forms of abuse leave LASTING impressions and can impact a person's life in major ways. Just because there are no visible bruises doesn’t mean the damage isn’t real.

Many survivors report that the emotional abuse they encountered—constant criticism, manipulation, isolation, and gaslighting—was more damaging than the physical abuse. 

Studies show that emotional abuse can increase the risk of PTSD, anxiety, and depression at rates similar to physical violence. Financial abuse, where an abuser controls money or sabotages a victim’s ability to work, traps many in dangerous situations.

When it comes to trauma's impact on the body and brain, there are few differences between someone who suffered long-term trauma due to emotional abuse versus physical. 

Survivor Story: After years of enduring insults and manipulation, Melissa finally realized she was in an abusive marriage—not because her husband hit her, but because he made her feel worthless and financially dependent. When she tried to leave, she had no savings, no access to their shared accounts, and no credit in her name. It took years to rebuild her independence.

Myth #2: If It Was That Bad, They Would Just LEAVE

Many people ask, “Why don’t they just leave?” 

After all, if a victim chooses to stay they must like the abuse or love the abuser more than they love themselves…

Reality: Leaving an abusive relationship is one of the hardest and most dangerous things a

survivor can do.

Leaving can escalate to more violence. 75% of domestic violence-related homicides happen when victims attempt to leave or shortly after they’ve left. Fear of violence and fear of the unknown are major influences on the mindset of a victim. 

Manipulation is often at play as well. Abusers might use threats to get what they want –I’ll take away the kids, I’ll drain your bank account so you’ll have nowhere to go, I’ll kill you or hurt you worse than ever – these threats keep victims trapped, sometimes in a state of shock where they don’t know what to do.

Emotional manipulation, social stigmas, and lack of resources are some of the main reasons victims stay. 

Survivor Story: Jasmine tried to leave her abusive boyfriend, but he threatened to post private pictures of her online and stalked her at work. She didn’t want the whole world to know what was going on in her personal life. She finally escaped when a coworker connected her with a DV shelter out of town and helped her come up with an escape plan, but it took months for her to feel safe again.

Myth #3: Abuse ONLY Happens in Certain Communities

Domestic violence is a poor community issue. It’s a black and brown community issue. It’s an uneducated community issue. It’s not something that affluent people have to deal with. 

Reality: Domestic violence impacts every community, every race, every socioeconomic background, and most parts of the world.

This idea that abuse only happens in poor communities or certain cultures is simply not true.

While poverty and lack of resources can make abuse harder to escape, domestic violence affects 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men across all demographics. Wealthier survivors may face different challenges, like financial entrapment or public image concerns, but they are not immune.

Statistic: According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, affluent survivors often struggle with disbelief from authorities, as their abuser may be a respected figure in the community. This can make it even harder to get help or speak out about what’s going on.

Myth #4: Men DON’T Get Abused

Men don’t get abused. Men are always the abusers. 

Reality: Men experience abuse too, but they are less likely to report it due to shame, stigma, and lack of resources.

This myth is not only sad, it’s simply not true. Putting men on the side of always being the abusers and very rarely the victims keeps the cycle of abuse continuing and leaves many men without the support that they need to heal and move past their experiences. 

While most domestic violence victims are women, 1 in 4 men will experience some form of intimate partner violence in their lifetime. Male survivors often deal with disbelief in their stories when they seek help, and many shelters or resources are designed for women and children, not men. 

In many cases, men are left to fend for themselves. 

Culture and societal norms also discourage men from admitting they are victims. Many men believe that their stories don’t matter or that they will be seen as weak for speaking out. 

Survivor Story: David endured years of emotional and physical abuse from his wife, but when he tried to report it, he was laughed at by police. “You’re a big guy, she can’t hurt you,” they said. He felt isolated, with no place to turn—until he found an online support group for male survivors.

(Tomorrow’s post will dive deeper into this topic.)

Myth #5: You Can’t Do MUCH About Children Who Witness Abuse 

While very few will say that children who witness abuse are well off, a lot of people don’t consider just how deep the impacts of witnessing abuse as a child can be. Adults are slow to intervene on behalf of children in households where abuse is known to happen consistently. 

Reality: Even if children are not directly abused, witnessing abuse has lasting effects on their development and mental health.

Many believe that if a child isn’t being hit or yelled at directly, they won’t be affected. However, research shows that children who grow up in abusive households are more likely to develop anxiety, depression, and even repeat cycles of abuse in their own relationships. Even infants can absorb stress and fear from their environment.

Statistic: The CDC reports that children who witness domestic violence are six times more likely to experience abuse in adulthood—either as victims or perpetrators. Early intervention is the key to breaking this cycle.

It’s important that we consistently work to educate ourselves on the truth about abuse and debunk these myths. 

Understanding the realities of abuse is the first step toward supporting survivors and creating impactful changes in our community. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, know that help is available, and you are not alone.

What other misconceptions about abuse have you heard? 

I am an author and trauma-recovery expert dedicated to helping survivors of intimate abuse reach new heights through healing, love, and career & financial guidance. Not only can you heal after a toxic relationship, you can thrive and live a happy and successful life.

This is your birthright. 

If you are struggling to find your power and could benefit from a helping hand, check out my Self-Mastery Academy or contact me. I would love to help empower your journey.