Are Survivors of Abuse in America Safe?

The Truth About Our Justice System and What It Means for Survivors

The experiences of the abused span far and wide. Every day that I dive into this work, I learn something new and astonishing. The power of the human spirit amazes me. 

Imagine waking up one day and seeing bruises on your child's body and tears in their eyes.

They’ve finally found the courage to share with you that they’ve been abused and that it’s been happening for a while now. 

Your heart races with disbelief.

“Who has done this to you, my love?” you ask. 

“It was daddy.” 

There is a sickness in your stomach that you’ve never felt before. For a moment, you stand in shock, not knowing what to do or even what to think. But you only allow that moment to last for a minute - not two; it is time to step into action, you must protect your child. 

And so you call the authorities and rush to the hospital. You watch your baby go through the hands of doctors and sit in the presence of officials, the look of confusion and sorrow in their little eyes. You can tell they're tired; they don’t have the energy they usually would during this time of the day. But they go through everything you ask, hopeful that when they get home, all of this will go away. 

The police have escorted your partner from the household, and you find solace in the peace of an empty home where you can tend to your baby's needs and finally comfort them from all that has occurred over the past 24 hours. 

In the morning, you wake up to a call.

More questioning? 

You agree to come in before work after you have dropped your child off at school. You are eager to give as much help as you can to stop this nightmare in its tracks. 

You walk into the cold, dark, and busy police station once more. The stench of stale coffee and musty bodies heavy in the air. 

After waiting for what feels like forever, you’re finally called back. 

“How can I help?” you ask. 

“Ma’am, thank you for coming in. We’re eager to find justice for you and your child. We have a few questions we need you to answer so that we can move ahead.”

“Sure…”

“Did you know this abuse has been going on for a year now?” 

There is a demanding nature to their tone. 

“Excuse me?”

“Did you know that your partner has put his hands on your child for over a year now?” 

Your entire heart drops to the bottom of your stomach. 

The room feels smaller, and for some reason, you begin to grow aware that there are three different officers in the room. Their eyes look cold, and they are all directed intensely at you. 

You grow self-conscious and unsure of what to say next. 

“I had no idea. I mean, my boyfriend and I have had issues for a long time, but I never thought…”

Your voice trails off - unsure of what to say next. 

“No, I didn’t know.” 

You’re suddenly aware of the certainty you need to give in your answer. 

“You expect us to believe that the signs weren’t there? You expect us to believe these bruises were just discovered yesterday and you’d never seen any like them before?”

“I don’t expect anything. But, I’m telling you the truth.”

“Ma’am, quite frankly, we don’t believe you.” 

You keep your mouth shut. 

The eerie realization that this situation is about to take a twisted turn comes to light. 

“We’re going to need you to stand up and put your hands behind your back.” 

A nightmare that you never anticipated continues to unfold before your eyes.

---

Sometimes, we need to step into the shoes of the oppressed to truly understand. 

The ongoing releases of shockingly bad news in our society has numbed us. We can hear the most terrible stories and not even bat an eye. 

But when bad things happen to us, we still feel them, and we still feel them deeply.

It is in these moments that we realize the importance of compassion and wish that we had some granted towards us.

I want us to find this level of compassion before we need it the most. 

In this week's Self-Mastery Podcast, we discussed the harrowing case of Tondalao Hall, a survivor in Oklahoma who went to the authorities to seek justice for her child, only to be the one carried away in handcuffs and sentenced to 30 years in prison. 

The story illustrated is a representation of what she and other survivors all over America have experienced. 

I need you to take just a moment to understand her pain… 

There are women all over our country who seek justice from the police regarding the abuse of their children. Many are unaware of the domestic laws governing their state and just want help.

In cases like Tondalao Hall’s, this same system that they thought would give them help and protection is instead used against them. 

In the case of Oklahoma, the “Failure to Protect” (FTP) law is the culprit.  According to the NYU Law Review, this law is in place as a means to protect children from abuse.

Parents or caretakers can be charged with criminal or civil penalties when they don’t stop another person from abusing a child that is in their care. The majority of people charged with this crime are women. It’s even expressed that they are ‘almost exclusively female’. (NYU Law) 

As of 2015, 48 states have some form of FTP law in place, several of which consider the offense a felony. In some states, those convicted of the crime face sentencing similar to or longer than the abusers involved. (NULJ)

Such is the case of Tondalao Hall, who was sentenced to 30 years in prison and served 15, while she and her child's abuser was given a 10-year suspended sentence and served no time behind bars for this case. 

How do we live in a world where this is possible? 

In a country where 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experiences rape, physical violence or stalking in their lifetime and over 550,000 children are known by the US authorities to be abused - one would argue that laws like Failure to Protect do very little to combat the bigger issues of abuse prevalent within our society. (National Children’s Alliance) (Hotline)

On one end, I understand all too well the need to protect our children; purposeful neglect or turning a blind eye to abuse should be punishable so the underlying reasoning behind these laws makes sense. 

But how do we go about proving that a person was aware of abuse?

The subjective nature of proving what goes on beyond closed doors can turn this into a witch hunt. A conviction that can be imposed without proof, making this an easy law to twist and bend to the preferences of those in power.  

For far too long, our justice system has leveraged individuals' ignorance of the law and lack of resources to protect themselves as opportunities to lock undeserving people behind bars.

My intention is not to attack the justice system but to address the needs of survivors and those in abusive situations that would benefit from a trustworthy system of protection. 

These systems of protection should not make innocent people feel afraid to report their abuse or the abuse of their children. 

Those that do need to be evaluated and we as a society should be questioning them and openly demanding change. 

When the experiences of marginalized people within our system are ignored, circumstances like what Tondalao Hall experienced are significantly heightened. In these cases, not only do survivors have to address the pain of abuse, but they are also victimized by society and the justice system at large and have no hope of being saved. 

This is the home for discouragement and despair. 

This is the home that keeps the cycles of abuse continuing instead of stopping them in their tracks. 

It is our responsibility as empowered survivors to acknowledge these weaknesses and demand change. 

Respectfully, 

Nicole Brittney