Starting Over STRONG - How to Rebuild After The Breakup

Navigating Life After Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Leaving an abusive relationship is one of the hardest, bravest things you will ever do. And yet, when you finally step away, it doesn’t always feel like a victory. Many survivors have shared their feelings of isolation and grief when trying to rebuild their lives.

So, instead of celebrating, you might find yourself teary-eyed, mad at the world, or simply numb. Instead of feeling on top of the world, you might feel like you’re standing at the bottom of a strange mountain with no map, no team, and no idea of what comes next.

It might not feel like it, but you’re close to the top you just have to keep climbing.

You made it out. You chose yourself. And though it doesn’t feel like it right now, you’re in a position of power. This power will become more and more clear as you build and choose a life that is yours and yours alone.

Things might start out lonely, but soon enough, you’ll be attracting the right people and energies into your life because of your courageous choice to try a new way of living.

There is hope and you’re standing in the midst of it.

How to Get By Alone (And Embrace It)

We’ve discussed this a lot lately. This idea that solitude feels like punishment - especially after a breakup. I used to feel the same way until I began to find magic, healing, and my highest self in the midst of quiet time alone...

If you are not at that place yet, that’s okay. Much of this world has grown used to constant interactions, whether that be due to a relationship, roommates, family, or a big friend circle. If you’ve left a relationship where you were used to constant interaction and find yourself rebuilding without a lot of family and friends around you, the quiet can feel like a shock. Ironically, it might feel deafening.

Even if you were around all the wrong people, suddenly being all alone can make you feel uncomfortable, and you might find yourself questioning whether leaving was the right choice. You might miss the comfort of all the distractions and noise.

During these times of questioning, ask yourself - was that environment good for you and good to you?

If it was good for you and you’re thinking about going back, you probably will. And that’s okay - that’s your choice! Empower yourself to make the right decisions for you and embrace them boldly.

But if you’re reading this, I have a feeling you experienced some turmoil that led you to your current state. This wasn’t by chance. Everything happens for a reason.

Sometimes, it’s good to sit still and allow your life to lead you. Embrace the discomfort of change to see where it might go. There is no need to make decisions based on impulse or discomfort; these are natural states of life, and they will pass.

In the meantime, this is your time to rediscover yourself.

Instead of filling the silence with fear and overthinking, you can try exploring:

New habits – Be free! Create a new morning routine that reminds you who you are and starts your day off on the right foot. It can be fun and energetic (a workout or dance) or calm and comforting (yoga or journaling). Your life is yours to build, so whatever you choose to place in it should feed your soul and give you comfort and relief. Don’t do what everyone else is doing just because it’s popular; explore yourself! Choose what feels right for you.
Creative expression – Expressing yourself is going to move you along on your healing journey without even feeling like you’re trying to heal. Journaling, painting, music, or even redecorating a small space can bring joy and help you process emotions. I have an entire article on Creative Healing Techniques that lists different types of fun ways to express yourself and spend your time.
Solo adventures – Exploring yourself can also mean exploring your environment. Take the train or a bus to a new city or part of town you don’t usually spend time in. Visit a new café, explore a park, window shop, or attend a free local event. Do what you think you might enjoy, and if you like your experience, make it a new weekend or once-a-month routine! Reconnect with the world and explore the beauty around you on your terms.
Mindfulness practices – Every moment doesn’t have to be filled with something big, exciting, or major. Downtime is good for you and allows space to embrace yourself and rest your mind, body, and spirit. It is necessary.

Yoga, meditation, and deep breathing exercises can help ground you in the present and ease anxiety. I encourage you to take ten minutes out of each day to sit still with yourself, clear your mind of all thoughts, relax your jaw, shoulders, and neck, and simply be.

Where to Find Support

Yes, you might be living alone (or even feeling alone in a house full of people), but you don’t have to take every step of your journey to independence alone.

Many of the survivors that I have spoken to have shared that what helped them the most or what they wanted the most after stepping away from a toxic relationship was someone to listen to them and give them advice. Someone to validate that they were not crazy and that they didn’t just imagine what happened to them, that it was real, and it was okay to grieve and be hurt or confused after the experience.

This support is within reach. Whether you need emotional support, financial guidance, therapy, or a sense of belonging in a group environment, there are so many resources available that more people who have experienced trauma and abuse should consider.

Emotional & Mental Support

Therapy & Counseling: Many therapists specialize in trauma recovery. Websites like Psychology Today allow you to search for providers. Some offer sliding-scale fees for those with low income. If you have the resources, you can also invest in top-of-the-line support. Therapy and counseling have a long history of benefits to survivors of trauma and abuse.
Life Coaching & Mentorship: A self-mastery coach (like myself) can help you rebuild confidence, set goals, and create a future that excites you. Coaching focuses more on the path forward and gives you the support to grow and build the life you want. It feels more like mentorship than therapy and is good for those who want an active and engaged approach to support.
Support Groups: You can find support groups of ALL kinds, both online and in your community. Whether they’re survivor groups, workout groups, shared interest groups, or even a breakup support circle, you can find your tribe and get very involved, or just join and ask for support when you need it.

Practical & Financial Assistance

It's alright if you find yourself in a situation where you need emergency support to get away. You would be surprised how many ‘normal' people have been in the same shoes and needed to rely on local resources to help them through a difficult time.

The good thing about these resources is that they're there when you need them, and once you’re back on your feet, you can move forward without a lot of debt or additional trauma. Do not judge yourself or think twice if you need to reach out to your local authorities for help. Embrace yourself for how courageous you have allowed yourself to be.

Some emergency options you can look up include:

Transitional Housing: Many cities have shelters or programs that provide safe housing for survivors as they get back on their feet.
Financial Aid: Some organizations help with job placement, rent assistance, and legal aid (i.e., Women’s Law Initiative, National Domestic Violence Hotline).
Career & Education Resources: Workforce programs can help you gain skills or find employment if you need financial independence.

Finding A New Place

If you have the means to afford your own place but are still on a tight budget while you figure things out, here are a few options to consider:

Shared Housing: Consider a roommate situation to cut costs while you get back on your feet.
Low-Income & Emergency Housing Programs: Research government programs that provide rental assistance.
Budget-Friendly Moves: If you can’t afford rent immediately, house-sitting, subletting, or staying with trusted family/friends might be good short-term options.

Rebuilding Your Social Circle

If you know that you’re a social butterfly and new friends and engagements are important to you, it’s easier than ever to meet new people and join a brunch, coffee date, group event, or whatever it is that you enjoy most. You're allowed to have fun! Think outside of the box on ways to invite that into your life.

Here are a few ideas that touch on many different interests and can help you find more people to spend time with as you rebuild and embrace yourself.

Meetup.com & Free Local Events: Attend free workshops, book clubs, fitness classes, or social events to meet like-minded people.
Volunteer Work: Giving back can create a sense of purpose while introducing you to new people who share your values.
Online Communities: If you’re not ready for in-person interactions, start by engaging in online survivor groups, fitness communities, or forums on a hobby or interest that you have.

Mantras for the Hardest Days

There's going to be some hard days ahead of you, and that’s alright.

You’re strong enough to take them on and keep kicking!

Don’t beat yourself up if you miss your past, the relationship you left, or find yourself wondering if you made the right choice. These are the days you’ll need to love yourself the most and observe your state of thinking.

Observation will allow you the space to begin to reframe your thinking and take control of your internal experience. Write out some inspiring quotes or affirmations that build you up. Put them somewhere you can see them every day or as the home screen of your phone. When those less-than-pleasant thoughts come in, read these mantras to yourself or say them out loud.

Some of my favorites:

I value every version of myself.
I am becoming the most beautiful/handsome version of myself with each new day.
I’m proud of my strength to walk away from anything that doesn’t deserve me.
To live the life of my dreams, I have to let go of my old habits.
I release all negative thoughts of the past and all worries about the future.
Happiness, laughter, peace, and wealth surround me because I am worthy of them.
I’m allowed to be imperfect and confident at the same time.
I'm allowed to say no to others and yes to myself.
I create the happiness I deserve.
This is my season of growth.
Calm is my natural state.
Today is a good day!

You’ve Got This!

The road ahead won't always be easy, but it’s yours, which means YOU get to decide where it leads.

Look at this time of your life as an empowered adventure. The loneliness you feel is temporary but the freedom you have invited into your life can last forever. True love is not restrictive, and once you find it, it will embrace every part of this new life you are building for yourself.

You’re not starting over. You are starting fresh. And that’s something worth fighting for.

I am an author and trauma-recovery expert dedicated to helping survivors of intimate abuse reach new heights through healing, love, and career & financial guidance. Not only can you heal after a toxic relationship, but you can also thrive and live a happy and successful life.

This is your birthright.

If you are struggling to find your power and could benefit from a helping hand, check out my Self-Mastery Academy or contact me. I would love to help empower your journey.